Co-Parenting and Extracurricular Activities

Kids these days are more active than ever before.  Between increased school workloads, various after school clubs, extracurricular activities and sports, it’s astounding how busy (and often cluttered) children's lives have become.   While all of these activities may look good on a college application or a job resume as the children get older, the fact is extracurriculars and sports are vital to providing children of any age some sense of normalcy as their parents go through a relationship breakup.  These activities provide the children with opportunities to exercise, socialize with their peers, develop skills for themselves, and just to have plain old fun, away from any parental stresses. 

As a parent going through a relationship break up, it is important to support the children in their pursuits, however this often becomes a point of disagreement as parents go through the family law process.  For example, while in the midst of a divorce (or any relationship break up), one parent may not want a child to play a particular sport or engage in an extracurricular activity due to cost, loss of residential time, or for a variety of other reasons.  Spelling out the particulars for children's participation in these activities can be successfully accomplished  through effectively worded provisions of a Parenting Plan and Child Support Order.

Common Parenting Plan Considerations

• Is the child's participation in a sport/activity something that is a "joint" decision that both parents decide upon, or can one parent simply sign the child up?
• Has the child traditionally participated in this sport/activity, or have any desire to do so?
• What are the consequences if practice, meetings or games occur on a parent's residential time? 

Common Child Support Considerations

• How will the sport/activity be paid for: proportionally based upon parent's income, equally, or just by one parent? 
• What if there are private training, travel , equipment, club fees, etc. beyond simply participating in the sport/activity, how are those costs allocated?

Providing your children with an outlet from your relationship breakup with the other parent is paramount to their adaptation and development during a very stressful time.  However, as parents the child's participation should not be a point of disagreement with the other parent, a loss of residential time, nor break the bank.  Discussing these concerns with an experienced family law attorney to establish provisions specific to your needs and the needs of your children is essential. 

Family law litigation can be emotionally difficult and complex. Decisions made about each step of the litigation can affect you for many years. We have years of experience helping our clients with Committed Intimate Relationships and can help you through the process. Contact us today at (253) 838 – 3377 or email at office@bainslawfirm.com, to talk about your situation.

Disclaimer: All materials provided on this website have been prepared by Bains Law Firm for general information purposes only and no representation is made as to their completeness or accuracy. Information on this website is not intended as legal advice, and may not be relied upon as such. Only an attorney who can review the unique facts of each case and apply them to the statutes, case law and court rules can provide legal advice. Nothing in this website shall be construed to create an attorney-client relationship. 

Successful Co-Parenting

Relationship breakups, whether it be divorce, separation or committed intimate relationships, is confusing and stressful for all families, but particularly so for the families with children. It is often difficult for newly separated parents to determine what kind of long-term parenting arrangement will be best for the children once each parent has established their own household.

In family law cases involving children, the court's primary concern is with the best interests of the children. This should be your primary concern as well. Here are some tips that will help you and your former partner co-parent your children as you navigate the process of establishing separate households.

Minimize chaos and establish a routine

Recognize that children are used to their routine and environment, try your best to maintain the routine as you all adjust to living in two households. Establish a "new normal" that reflects the old normal as much as possible.

Every family is different and there is no perfect formula for determining the right visitation schedule for a given family. An experienced family law attorney can help you develop a fair, balanced plan that is both tailored to your kids' needs and legally realistic.

Be consistent

Whether you have an informal or court-ordered schedule for time with your children, be sure to take that time on a consistent basis. If you absolutely must miss an opportunity to spend time with your children, be sure to contact the other parent right away and establish a time to make up for the missed visit.

Parental consistency and stability for children are also critical concerns for family law judges and commissioners when making custody decisions. Failure to follow your schedule for visitation could be harmful to your case and is certainly not good for your children.

Shield your children from conflict

It's also important that both you and the other parent make every effort to shield your children from legal proceedings, and from parental conflict.

In general, without casting blame, stick with age appropriate explanations of why one parent is no longer living at home. It’s very important to soothe a child's fears and confusion about the changes in his or her life, but your kids don't need to know the details of their parents' adult relationship.

Absolutely avoid getting into an argument with the other parent in the presence of your children. Address any grievances you may have with the other parent directly, privately, and as calmly as possible.

A formal parenting plan with specific provisions governing exchanges of your children can help you minimize face-to-face contact if you and your spouse are simply unable to interact without hostility.

Counseling is also a beneficial way to help the children and the whole family get through this difficult time.

Communicate (cautiously) in writing

Email and text messages are convenient ways to communicate with your spouse about your goals, concerns, and upcoming plans for your kids. There are several easy to use Co-parenting apps that can help parents establish a written record and reduce hostility, confusion and miscommunication.

But, most importantly - think before you click "send." Don't write or publish anything that you would not want a judge to hear. This also applies to social media sites such as Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Composing a long rant about your spouse's many flaws as a partner and parent might make you feel a little better in the short term, but your words are counterproductive to co-parenting.

If you’re unsure about how to best communicate with your spouse, the advice of an experienced family law attorney can provide you with a strategy for communicating with your spouse in a productive and effective manner.

Keep your focus on your kids

If the end of your relationship has been tough on you, just imagine how difficult it is for your kids. They're worried about you and they're worried about what is going to happen to them.

Check in with your kids to see how they're feeling. Talk to their teachers, coaches, and counselors, and work with them to make sure your kids aren't falling behind in school and other important activities. Try to be 100% engaged during your one-on-one time, even if you are feeling resentful or upset about the end of your relationship.

The benefits of continuing to be an involved parent no matter your relationship status, are intangible and invaluable to your children. Staying focused on your kids' needs not only strengthens your legal position, it also helps your children feel secure in an uncertain time.

Family Law litigation can be emotionally difficult and complex. Decisions made about each step of the litigation can affect you for many years. We have years of experience helping our clients through the difficulty of family law litigation and can help you through the process. Contact us today at (253) 838 – 3377 or email at office@bainslawfirm.com, to talk about your situation.

Disclaimer: All materials provided on this website have been prepared by Bains Law Firm for general information purposes only and no representation is made as to their completeness or accuracy. Information on this website is not intended as legal advice, and may not be relied upon as such. Only an attorney who can review the unique facts of each case and apply them to the statutes, case law and court rules can provide legal advice. Nothing in this website shall be construed to create an attorney-client relations

Committed Intimate Relationships

Washington State recognizes Committed Intimate Relationships (previously referred to as: Meretricious Relationships).  There is no specific definition of what constitutes a Committed Intimate Relationship, instead the Court will consider relevant factors that have been developed over the years to determine if such a relationship exists. The bottom line when considering the factors is that the more marriage-like the relationship, the more likely a Court is to consider it a Committed Intimate Relationship.

The factors for a Committed Intimate Relationship are as follows:

• Continuous, exclusive co-habitation during the relationship, or living together the same home as a couple;
• Duration of the relationship, or having been together for a long period of time;
• Pooling of resources and services for joint projects during the relationship; such as home improvement projects, buying a home together, or simply maintaining joint accounts;
• Intent of the couple to be involved in a marriage-like relationship, such as having children together or referring to each other as "my spouse/wife/husband"
• Purpose of the relationship, or enjoying the benefits of marriage such as companionship, friendship, love, sex, and mutual support.

Any one factor is not necessarily more significant than the others and in some cases all factors do not need to be present.  Determining whether a Committed Intimate Relationship exists is dependent on the specific factual and legal aspects of each individual case.

After a Committed Intimate Relationship has been established, the Court has the authority to divide property, allocate debts, divide retirement with some limitations, establish a parenting plan and order child support. However, unlike cases where the parties were actually married, the Court cannot award spousal maintenance (alimony) or award attorney’s fees in Committed Intimate Relationships.

Property Division & Debt Allocation

At the end of a Committed Intimate Relationship, the court will divide only community property and community debts.  All property (except gift or inheritance) acquired during the relationship is presumed to be community property. Property acquired before the relationship or following separation is also presumed to be separate in nature.  The division of community property should be fair and equitable. This may be a 50/50 division, or it may not. In some cases when one member of the relationship is economically disadvantaged, a greater award of community property may be appropriate.

The division of community debts is similar. Debts acquired during the relationship are presumed to be community in nature, while debts acquired before the relationship, or following separation, are presumed to be separate in nature.

Retirement

The Court may divide the parties Retirement Benefits and will do so based on what is just and equitable.  While this is an unsettled area of the law, generally the Court a divide a partner’s private retirement account. Generally governmental benefits are not divisible. 

Parenting Plan/Child Support

The Court can establish a Parenting Plan and Child Support. Regardless of what type of relationship the parties have, each parent has a legal responsibility to care for and support their child.

If you believe that you may be in a Committed Intimate Relationship, and the relationship might be ending, it is highly advisable you seek the advice and assistance of a experienced family law attorney.

Family law litigation can be emotionally difficult and complex. Decisions made about each step of the litigation can affect you for many years. We have years of experience helping our clients with Committed Intimate Relationships and can help you through the process. Contact us today at (253) 838 – 3377 or email at office@bainslawfirm.com, to talk about your situation.

Disclaimer: All materials provided on this website have been prepared by Bains Law Firm for general information purposes only and no representation is made as to their completeness or accuracy. Information on this website is not intended as legal advice, and may not be relied upon as such. Only an attorney who can review the unique facts of each case and apply them to the statutes, case law and court rules can provide legal advice. Nothing in this website shall be construed to create an attorney-client relationship. 

Committed Intimate Relationships

Washington State recognizes Committed Intimate Relationships (previously referred to as: Meretricious Relationships).  There is no specific definition of what constitutes a Committed Intimate Relationship, instead the Court will consider relevant factors that have been developed over the years to determine if such a relationship exists. The bottom line when considering the factors is that the more marriage-like the relationship, the more likely a Court is to consider it a Committed Intimate Relationship.

The factors for a Committed Intimate Relationship are as follows:

• Continuous, exclusive co-habitation during the relationship, or living together the same home as a couple;
• Duration of the relationship, or having been together for a long period of time;
• Pooling of resources and services for joint projects during the relationship; such as home improvement projects, buying a home together, or simply maintaining joint accounts;
• Intent of the couple to be involved in a marriage-like relationship, such as having children together or referring to each other as "my spouse/wife/husband"
• Purpose of the relationship, or enjoying the benefits of marriage such as companionship, friendship, love, sex, and mutual support.

Any one factor is not necessarily more significant than the others and in some cases all factors do not need to be present.  Determining whether a Committed Intimate Relationship exists is dependent on the specific factual and legal aspects of each individual case.

After a Committed Intimate Relationship has been established, the Court has the authority to divide property, allocate debts, divide retirement with some limitations, establish a parenting plan and order child support. However, unlike cases where the parties were actually married, the Court cannot award spousal maintenance (alimony) or award attorney’s fees in Committed Intimate Relationships.

Property Division & Debt Allocation

At the end of a Committed Intimate Relationship, the court will divide only community property and community debts.  All property (except gift or inheritance) acquired during the relationship is presumed to be community property. Property acquired before the relationship or following separation is also presumed to be separate in nature.  The division of community property should be fair and equitable. This may be a 50/50 division, or it may not. In some cases when one member of the relationship is economically disadvantaged, a greater award of community property may be appropriate.

The division of community debts is similar. Debts acquired during the relationship are presumed to be community in nature, while debts acquired before the relationship, or following separation, are presumed to be separate in nature.

Retirement

The Court may divide the parties Retirement Benefits and will do so based on what is just and equitable.  While this is an unsettled area of the law, generally the Court a divide a partner’s private retirement account. Generally governmental benefits are not divisible. 

Parenting Plan/Child Support

The Court can establish a Parenting Plan and Child Support. Regardless of what type of relationship the parties have, each parent has a legal responsibility to care for and support their child.

If you believe that you may be in a Committed Intimate Relationship, and the relationship might be ending, it is highly advisable you seek the advice and assistance of a experienced family law attorney.

Family law litigation can be emotionally difficult and complex. Decisions made about each step of the litigation can affect you for many years. We have years of experience helping our clients with Committed Intimate Relationships and can help you through the process. Contact us today at (253) 838 – 3377 or email at office@bainslawfirm.com, to talk about your situation.

Disclaimer: All materials provided on this website have been prepared by Bains Law Firm for general information purposes only and no representation is made as to their completeness or accuracy. Information on this website is not intended as legal advice, and may not be relied upon as such. Only an attorney who can review the unique facts of each case and apply them to the statutes, case law and court rules can provide legal advice. Nothing in this website shall be construed to create an attorney-client relationship.